Coaches Wrap: Coaching Concern
My son plays Bantam house hockey and we have a coach that is out of control. Specifically:
- Use of foul language during games when things don't go well
- Excessive negativity, berates the kids when they make mistakes
- Lots of yelling, can not control his emotions
I am an assistant coach and have tried to calm him down a bit, but I have not confronted him directly with his behavior. This coach and I do not have any history together so I am trying to build a mutual respect relationship with him.
My question is this, should we:
- Confront him and see if he will change;
- Ask the gentlemen that runs the league talk to him or perhaps to watch one of our games and see if we are over reacting. He can then take action if it is warranted.
- Ask for my son to be moved to another team.
Please advise,
-Hockey Dad
Dear Hockey Dad,
An interesting, but unfortunately, not uncommon predicament that you are in. For many coaches, their frame of reference for coaching comes from the way they were coached as a kid, and years ago that involved a lot of yelling, intimidation and bullying. Some coaches just get so excited that they do not know what they are doing.
Your first two suggestions for a solution are very good, and it really is up to you as to how you want to proceed. If you want to handle it face-to-face first with the coach, that is a viable option, but you should make sure that you do it prior to a practice (definitely not before or after a game). Just mention that you notice that many of the kids do not react well to yelling/negativity and that it might be a good idea to use a different approach, and give him some examples. Then see how it goes.
The other option is to go to the league administration and see if they can observe the situation and make a recommendation to the coach. They will be very concerned about a coach creating a bad experience for the players, and will definitely want to correct it. If they choose to address it with the coach, then they can leave you out of it, and mention that they have noticed the behavior or have had several complaints from families about the situation.
Good luck.
- Use of foul language during games when things don't go well
- Excessive negativity, berates the kids when they make mistakes
- Lots of yelling, can not control his emotions
I am an assistant coach and have tried to calm him down a bit, but I have not confronted him directly with his behavior. This coach and I do not have any history together so I am trying to build a mutual respect relationship with him.
My question is this, should we:
- Confront him and see if he will change;
- Ask the gentlemen that runs the league talk to him or perhaps to watch one of our games and see if we are over reacting. He can then take action if it is warranted.
- Ask for my son to be moved to another team.
Please advise,
-Hockey Dad
Dear Hockey Dad,
An interesting, but unfortunately, not uncommon predicament that you are in. For many coaches, their frame of reference for coaching comes from the way they were coached as a kid, and years ago that involved a lot of yelling, intimidation and bullying. Some coaches just get so excited that they do not know what they are doing.
Your first two suggestions for a solution are very good, and it really is up to you as to how you want to proceed. If you want to handle it face-to-face first with the coach, that is a viable option, but you should make sure that you do it prior to a practice (definitely not before or after a game). Just mention that you notice that many of the kids do not react well to yelling/negativity and that it might be a good idea to use a different approach, and give him some examples. Then see how it goes.
The other option is to go to the league administration and see if they can observe the situation and make a recommendation to the coach. They will be very concerned about a coach creating a bad experience for the players, and will definitely want to correct it. If they choose to address it with the coach, then they can leave you out of it, and mention that they have noticed the behavior or have had several complaints from families about the situation.
Good luck.
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